IntrospectED
by Wu the Stoic
Summary: Ed ponders his thoughts and feelings one early summer day.


Teenagers. We're finally teenagers. It feels like just yesterday when Double Dee came into our lives, introducing himself to us. Of course, leave it to Eddy to try and scam him upon first introduction. It was nice that he was an Ed, too. Together, Eddy and I were a bit of a unique twosome, but add Double Dee to the mix? It was perfection. Absolute perfection.

Now we were one. We had a leader in Eddy. Loud, boisterous, a conman's daredevil that couldn't sit still even if you super glued him to the toilet. And believe you me I have. Twice.

We now had our straight man. The morally upright but easily led astray smart guy who came up with the hard mental work of whatever it was that day we decided to get up to.

And then we had me. Someone had to be the comic relief and since I was gifted with a wonderful sense of humor and a baby sister that needed constant entertainment when she was but a wee one, I was able to hone my skill at an early age. I had no problem with that 'job' falling to me in our little trio and besides, it really didn't hurt to play the buffoon when I was already standing 5'9 at twelve. I was strong for my age, too. Still am!

Today's the first day of summer vacation and man it turned out to be awesome. Sun's shining and not a cloud in the sky. I didn't sleep too well last night, what I did manage to get was filled with dreams about a certain someone who I know will never share my feelings. I close my eyes and let out a deep sigh of resignation, pushing the weight of unrequited feelings away. It's almost time for lunch, but it's so hot outside, probably a little too hot to eat. You know how early summer days can get. Next year will be our first year in high school. Joy of joys. I'd take my jacket off, but I don't feel like it. My jacket to me is like Double Dee's hat to him; it's a safety blanket. Granted I can remove my coat and actually walk away from it. You should see what's under his hat. You'd be pleasantly surprised.

There goes Eddy, he's yelling at Jonny about something. Poor Jonny. He's the butt of so many jokes behind his back, but at least he's an accepted part of the group. I hate to see what the real world will do to him once he and Plank enter into it. Part of me thinks he'll be eaten alive, but the other part of me knows better. Jonny is a survivor. He's adaptable and I think he's a pretty smart kid. I like his honesty. I like how he can tell you no, yet you can't help but continue to like him even when he does.

"Hey, Ed! What are you doing sitting out here all alone?" That voice. That unique tone; high yet steady and full of character. Edd is approaching me and I feel my spirit quicken within me. I put on a sideways smile and give him an awkward yet overly cheerful wave.

"Hey Double Dee!"

"We've been looking for you all morning!" my friend scolds me with concern as he takes a seat next to me on the front porch step. He hisses when the heat of the sun scorched concrete bites briefly into the backs of his legs.

"Sorry Double Dee," I answer with sincere apology. "Sara needed me to help her move her bed, but she didn't want to do it right away, so I waited for her and Jimmy to get done playing. I just came outside." I canted my head for a playful puppy effect and it worked.

His eyes are so hazel and clear. They remind me of the shallow pools that form beneath waterfalls, you know… when the sun hits it just right? Green and gold twining together in an eternal dance of wisdom and beauty. Those are his eyes.

He plucks the neck of his t-shirt away from his skin and begins to fan himself with it as he tells me what he and Eddy have been up to that morning during my absence. I listen intently as I turn away, carefully placing the well-worn mask of idiocy onto my face. After a while his voice ceases and I pretend to be lost in my own world. In reality I am savoring every word he has spoken. I think that's the reason I'm actually as smart as I am because I _listen_ to him. It's only when he reaches out to touch me do I turn and acknowledge him. I give him a lopsided grin and answer with my typical, Ed-like, one word response. He rolls those hazel eyes, but his smile is warm and gentle and now, we sit in companionable silence. The collar of his shirt is stretched slightly, slipping down his shoulder and exposing the pale skin. I watch in horror as my hand reaches out on its own accord, gently lifting the collar and covering his shoulder.

"Why thank you, Ed," he says as he pats said renegade hand. I consider not washing it for longer than necessary.

 _I love you_.

We share eye contact for a long while before I feel the shyness take hold of me. I lower my eyes and mumble softly; something that I need to say lest I blurt it out at a most inopportune time. Like say the library… where all can hear.

"What's that, Ed? You're mumbling," he chastises me again, gently. His hand squeezes my shoulder and I take courage. I lift my head and look him square in the eye. "You make my heart tickle," I answer simply. Double Dee tilts his head as his brow begins to furrow. He's clicking things into place a little faster than I would like for him to, but I should have known better. After all, this _is_ Double Dee I'm trying to muddle with my stupid feelings. You can't pull much wool over _his_ eyes. Maybe that's another reason why he wears that hat?

I exhale deeply, but for the life of me, I just can't let go of his eyes. More concern begins to etch into his features and I grow panicked. I can take rejection all day long, just not his. _Not his_.

"Ed?" His voice is concerned and is just beginning to waver that tiny little bit that tells me he isn't really wanting to face this discussion.

 _I love you_.

Shrugging, I slap on my smile. "You're my safe place, Double Dee." That's not what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell him that he's my best friend. Darn you, tongue, why must you run amok today?

"I'm your safe place?" he asks, probably to make sure what he heard was correct. Something in his countenance changes and he seems to be more willing to accept this bit of confession.

"Yes," I answer simply. My safe place, my blanket, my rock. Keeper of my sanity, of my heart.

"Why Ed," he says gently as he leans back. In his restrained agitation, he had leaned close to me, but now he resumes his comfortable stance. "How sweet of you to say."

"My best friend," I whisper. "Always and forever."

That hand, delicate and so well formed once again finds my shoulder and he gives it a mighty squeeze. He does that to my heart every time I see him.

"You're my best friend too, Ed," he says with a smile. That gap will probably narrow once his wisdom teeth come in. How tragic a thought. "Always and forever."

That lifts my heart and I beam at him. Maybe the expression on my face is contagious because he beams right back at me and we look at each other openly and warmly… without reservations. Without walls. I feel in this moment that we are truly gazing into the depths of eternity within each other's souls. It's a blissful moment that's broken suddenly by Eddy.

"Hey, lovebirds! Let's go! I got a great idea and I need your help moving some stuff, Lumpy! You too, Sockhead! Let's hustle!" he claps his hands at us and then turns and heads away, forever confident that we'll be right behind him. My smile grows just a bit larger.

"Lovebirds," I echo and then let out my slow chattering laugh as I stand. "C'mon, Double Dee!" I reach down to him to help him stand. He takes my hand and I slowly pull him up, just to keep the palm to palm contact for as long as I can.

"Let's go see what Eddy has planned today," he says with an over exaggerated roll to those heavenly eyes.

 _I love you, Double Dee. Always and forever._


End file.
